The Rules

Boys. Boys. Boys.

I've been thinking lately, and experimenting with a new philosophy concerning boys/dating/companionship. This philosophy was introduced to me by a blog titled Playing by the Rules (I'd strongly advise you check it out). Before I get into my new {and very much improved philosophy} let me explain my old one.

OLD {BAD} PHILOSOPHY

1. I'm not that great. not beautiful, not funny, not perky and flirty, not bubbly, not smart, not good enough for anyone to ever actually WANT to be with me.

2. All the girls with boyfriends are all of those things stated above and so therefore I do not stand a chance, because you must be those things and I am not.

3. If you want a boy to like you, you must work very hard to make him notice you and pay attention to you.

4. If he is nice to you when you initiate conversation or ask for his company then he is into you.

5. All boys will break your heart -- just a fact of life.

Ya, I know... I was just a steaming bowl of optimism. Thankfully I stumped upon the afore mentioned blog and was saved from my downward spiral of relationship (present or potential) ruin. The blog is inspired by the book 'The Rules -- Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right.'

NEW {FABULOUS} PHILOSOPHY

1. I am incredible. I'm a great person. I'm smart and pretty and fun and happy and I'm Jaraka, and that makes me good enough for ANYONE.

2. If a boy likes you he will call/text/talk to you. Simple as that... if he likes you enough he'll go through WHATEVER it takes to get to talk to you or be near you. He won't be too busy, or too far away, or too lazy. If he doesn't call/text/talk to you then he doesn't like you enough to be worth your time, energy and certainly not your tears... don't drive yourself crazy.

3. When a boy initiates a conversation it is much more fulfilling and worthwhile than doing all the work yourself. You avoid all the 'does he like me??' and 'what's he thinking about me??' and the 'am i annoying him??' stuff!

4. There is a boy out there who will cherish you, love you and protect your heart from ever being broken again. And... in the meantime you can avoid a lot of other boys who will inevitably break your heart by letting you convince yourself that they are 'the one' when really they are just 'another one'.

5. Bottom line: Hard to get, easy to be with.

Now, I lack the proper eloquence or vocabulary to adequately describe the philosophy (and my book is downstairs and I'm too lazy to go get it) but don't let that make you doubt the power and potency of the Rules.

I must admit, initially I was more than a little skeptical. Why make boys do all the work?? I'm perfectly capable of calling him; this isn't 1930 anymore. BUT! recent events have shown me that this is indeed a true and working philosophy. Let me explain:

***There is a boy, we'll call him Patrick. Just to be clear, Patrick is a great guy: he's nice and he works hard and he's kind. He's not a creep or anything and he'd make a great boyfriend/husband for someone. Patrick, for one reason or another, took a liking to me. I was far from ignorant of this fact as he would text me AT LEAST once a day and always reply quickly to my messages and ask me to hang out every time we were in the same city. Then one day he told me that he liked me (which was already obvious to me). Unfortunately for Patrick I did not reciprocate his feelings in the slightest... and so as to not give him false hope I made that fact perfectly clear (in the kindest way possible). This is where the rules part comes in. He still texted me ALL the TIME. He still asked me on a date. He still told me that I was beautiful and wonderful and that he 'would love to be with a girl like me someday' {not exaggerating}. I felt like maybe I was not clear about how I felt (or didn't feel) so once again I told him that I was not interested in perusing anything beyond friendship with him. Poor Guy.

I learned two things from this experience that made me firmly believe that the Rules work. Number one, If a boy likes you he'll let you know. He'll do what it takes to take advantage of every opportunity he has to get to know you. I didn't believe it before. But now I certainly do. I've dated boys before, even had a boyfriend or two, and I'm sure they liked me. But by following the rules I will now KNOW that he does... because he will make it obvious to me simply because he can't help himself. I know that if I would have had feelings for Patrick he would have been a wonderfully doting boyfriend who would everyday make me feel loved and appreciated. He made it clear how wonderful he thought I was. Number two is probably more important that number one: I am a worthwhile individual. I am desirable and there are guys out there who think that I'm great and who want to be with me. Crazy to think about but Patrick made me believe that I was worth it. He reminded me to love myself and to believe in myself.

There are many of you who do not agree with The Rules. That's fine. :) All I know is that I think they work and I have seen it work and until it stops working I'm sticking with it. I'll save myself a lot of time that would be spent waiting by the phone for a boy that won't call and I'll save a lot of tears that would be shed for a boy that was simply being nice.

The END.