I've got love on the brain. :)

Why? Because I just watched the season finale of The Bachelorette. 
Truth: I cried.
Why? Because for the first time in a lon.... actually, ever, I genuinely believed that they are in love. I enjoyed this season more than any before because Jef, Arie, Shawn, and Emily appeared truly genuine; genuine enough that I could buy the idea that their relationships could last beyond the final rose. I love Jef and Emily. I think Jef is a good guy in a way that none of the guys on the show have really been. Emily deserves someone like him, someone with a real heart that now beats just for her and Ricky.

Ok... Who really cares that much about the Bachelorette?  Why did this touch me the way it did? Two reasons. One: because I sat here, watching Jef and Emily and knowing that I've never felt a love like that. No one has ever loved me the way they love each other, and I have never loved someone with that surety. No one has ever "completed me."

Two: because I thought I had. Well, I tried really hard to convince myself that I was in love. You know, the kind that lasts forever. Even three-ish months ago I thought I was in love. I knew that I was going to be married to this man. Had things gone the way I was then planning, I'd be wrapping up the final touches on my wedding planning and be sealing the deal very shortly. No kidding. (and that sound absolutely absurd come to think of it. SO glad it didn't happen that way!)

And to tie it all together: you know how I know that that wasn't JefandEmily love? Because it didn't happen and I feel 100% okay with it. If you've read previous posts you know that I was completely torn when I decided to move to Oklahoma sans boyfriend. But, teaching in Tulsa has filled my heart with such joy and love and a level of comfort I never expected to find. I have far fewer doubts about my future as a teacher than I did about my future as a wife. You see, me and teaching, we have that JefandEmily love, and I have confidence it'll last a lifetime.

Not more than once or twice in the last two months have I thought for more than a second about what I left behind, of who I left behind. I was worried that coming here I'd be lonely, that I'd be desperately alone for the rest of my life. I'm not worried about that anymore. I know that this is where I'm supposed to be right now. I'm with the people I'm supposed to be with and I'm living the life I'm supposed to be living.

That said, I sure do hope to find that with someone, someday :)