Still Fearful

Almost exactly a year a go I wrote a post on Fear and Failure.

I was so scared to come to Tulsa and become a teacher. But I did it. I'm here and only 3ish weeks away from completing my first year as an educator.

I thought that this accomplishment would cure me of my plague of fear. I thought that after making is move, and doing this job and taking this chance (which was so out of character for me) I would be strong enough to do anything.

But I'm not. I'm still scared. Even as I think of applying for silly summer jobs, or babysitting positions I get so nervous. It is driving me crazy.

I guess, in reality, this whole teaching this has shown me that trying new things may very well end up being way harder than you anticipate. That you may not be very good at everything you try. That you can try and fail... and still be okay. (ok, fail might be too strong of a word, but struggle definitely fits)

But that's a hard lesson to learn.