My thoughts.

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Just life really... but I've felt very weighed down by it all. Having a lot of really good conversations with myself in which I begin to figure out what it is that I want in this life and who I want to be. I still don't have it all figured out but finally I am starting to feel like I'm a little bit closer to that everyday. Like I am a little bit closer to the person I want to be. In college you learn a lot. I have been in so many great classes with great professors who have dedicated their lives to their subject and have become masters at what they do. Its so humbling to see how these people have lived their lives. They have dedicated all their knowledge to educating the next generations of professionals. I love them for that... some times I definitely do not enjoy class or homework or even the subject matter... but I have decided that I'm going to make sure that the time they put into preparing and teaching that 50 minute class for me and my peers is worthwhile. That I'm going to try to learn. Make the most out of the time I have here in school. There is absolutely no reason not to learn as much as possible. Knowledge liberates us. It makes us grow. It is impossible to be learning and be in a stagnant state. Knowledge is progress, and sometimes I feel like I'm not going anywhere. Like I'm stuck in this day. or week. or stage of my life. But they I remember that everyday that I learn one more new thing or say hi to one new person I grow and progress. Everyday is one more step to the future Jaraka. I have a lot of expectations for who she is. I expect her to be smart, intelligent, wise, educated. I expect her to be kind, charitable, service-oriented, selfless, gentle. I expect her to be faithful, testimony living, obedient, prayerful, humble. I expect her to be a wife, mother, neighbor, friend. The present Jaraka is not those things, some of them, sometimes. But not all of them all the time. And that's where I'm headed. I'm so tired of settling. I can be all those things and more. much much more. And I'm going to be. Its hard. I know. And it is just going to get harder, but I can do it... I know who I can rely on and He will never ever ever desert me, He loves me and I know it. As long as I'm on His team then I'll be just fine. I've learned that even though other people jump in and out of my life, some of them leaving me better than they found me, others making me cry and doubt. But, each of those people taught me something, and for that I am grateful. I am going up. I am going to reach my potential. I could really use your help... if you're willing. If not, well... simply stated: get out of my way.