My job.

So, as you know, I switched schools two weeks ago.
So far I've spent as much time at school number two as I did at school number one.
School two is extremely more difficult than school one.
School two is precisely what I expected when I signed up for TFA.
School two is wearing me down.

I absolutely love being a teacher, I can't deny that.
I love those moments during the day when I'm sitting with a student and I see the light of understanding in their eyes.
I love the hugs and smiling faces.

I do not know how to deal with their anger.
I am not sure how to reach them.
They are loud and tense and constantly on alert.
I don't know how to soften their attitudes toward vulnerability.

I don't know how to invest them and motivate them. I don't know how to teach them.

They are beautiful, wonderful, fantastic, intelligent people.
They are being screwed over by the system.

Right now, there are 34 of them in a single classroom made for 23ish.
Right now, 6 of them don't have desks.
Only about 25 of them have regular school chairs and the rest sit on a variety of folding chairs.

It's frustrating. It's not their fault. My frustration with the situation encroaches on my attitude toward my job and that's extremely disappointing. And not fair to my students

... ... ...

 The following is not a judgment, or a statement of quality... but this is a brief summary of what I know of my students' lives.

- From what I've been able to glean, not a single one of them lives with both their mother and father
- At least 9 of them have fathers in prison
- Half of them come to school in clothes that are too big and being cinched up with belts or too small and obviously uncomfortable
- One child has suffered sexual abuse and attempted suicide twice by the age of 9
- They love Hot Cheetos and Takis
- Their shoes and socks are canvases for their personalities
- Everyone is related to everyone
- Death, fear, loneliness, anxiety, anger, and uncertainty are the norm for many of them

Any ideas or solutions, pick me ups, advice, or words of wisdom are welcome.

I'm also looking for positive African American role models to introduce them to, especially men. Do you know any? Artists? Speakers? Athletes? Professionals? It would be especially powerful if they could share their story with my students (in person, or via skype, or letters).