Who am I?

Being in Oklahoma was really good for me at first. I felt really comfortable here and really didn't experience much doubt or confusion those first three months.

These last few weeks have changed that for me. I am not sure who I am. I don't know who my teacher self is. I don't know who my church self is. I don't know who my friend self is. I just simply feel like I've lost a bit of my self, or rather, I've lost a bit of that understanding of myself.

I feel an energy in the cavity of my being. That sounds funny but that's exactly what it is: energy. I feel it. This energy is both positive and negative. It gives me purpose and drive as well as anxiety and stress.  I can't explain it.

It keeps me up. It gets me up.
It go to sleep to escape it.
I love it and I hate it.

What is it? Where does it come from? How do I channel it?

I don't know where I belong. I don't know who I belong with.

Who is Jaraka?

I think it's normal, to feel this confusion. A lot of changes have occurred in the last few months; I'm doing something more difficult that I ever could have imagined. I'm so far from my friends and family.

so far.

... so I'm going to bed at 9:00pm on Saturday. Which is an hour and a half later than yesterday's bedtime.