Reading Blogs has Side-effects

I love reading blogs.  I love reading blogs.
But it does have its side-effects.

I think it has something to do with the change in the weather and the approaching holiday season, but I find that reading blogs makes me sad.

It happened about this time of year last year too.
I feel like everyone's life is so much more worthwhile and exciting than mine.
Reading blogs makes me jealous and petty, it makes me long for the love and the life that I read about.
I feel like I'm falling behind, like I'm stuck.

You see, I have a broken heart.  Not a he-doesn't-love-me-anymore broken heart... a he-loves-me-but-its-not-enough-to-make-me-happy broken heart.  It's a confusing feeling, to feel so incredibly alone and know that you don't have to feel this way; he's only a text message away, just a single "i want to be yours, i want you to be mine" would bring him to my doorstep and into my arms.  The substantial amount restraint and control and perspective that requires of me, to resist that message, is a little bit silly.

The single thing that brings me hope is knowing that I have outgrown this place, and I'll be moving on, here shortly.  If I didn't know that I'd be moving out of this town, this repetitive, redundant, oh so familiar town, 6 months from now, this weight of monotony would be too much to bear.  So, I'll hold out for the fresh air I'll be sure to find.

In 5 months I'll graduate. In 6 months I'll pack up my whole life, leave everyone I know and love and move to the smack-dab middle of the country.

People often tell me know scary that must be, to leave everything familiar... It's not scary at all {at least not yet}.  It is the most freeing, motivating, encouraging thing I could be doing.

It's not Paris, Haiti, Hong Kong, or even New York City... it's Oklahoma and I could not be more excited. I don't think there is a better place for me to be going.  It will be new and challenging... but I think {hope} that there will be just enough familiar to make me comfortable settling in and to give me the confidence to branch out.


**I just re-read through that and it probably doesn't make a lot of sense to you... but it's exactly what I feel**